LIfe, moments, and nudges.

I got an email this week that I can't shake. One of my Wowettes, a lovely woman who I admire for her ability to be her own quirky self, met a guy at a recent event who I thought was a good match for her. They were talking and laughing and looked like they were having a lot of fun. So she wrote that she had an upcoming date with him and didn't know if she wanted to go because she "didn't know if she was ready for a relationship," and her comment still resonates with me.

How about living in the moment, I thought. I wrote back and said something like, how about just going out and enjoying an evening or day together? How about being so in the moment that you don't think about what might happen next week or next month? We label things and then our labels create expectations about what we want to expect, rather than allowing our time together to create its own unique picture. She wrote back recently, saying "thanks for the nudge," and I'm hoping that means that she went out and had fun with him, just like I'd hoped.

This subject came up in my daughter's family recently. The children had just finished kindergarten and were on their way to their surprise vacation to Big Bear when they were talking and talking and talking about events and people from school. My daughter told them that school was over and they weren't going to talk about it any more so they could enjoy what the summer brings. Just like a guy friend who called me recently to tell me about a recent vacation in Hawaii, saying that he'd been so worried about where he'd left his car and if he'd still have his job on Monday and that his dog was acting strange before he left and would his girlfriend stay with him if he were unemployed that he hardly remembered anything about his trip. He was on a dream vacation - he was there but he wasn't there. It isn't really living, experiencing life, if we are always in our heads and not fully present to enjoy what life brings now.

So how about we just go out, have fun, get to know this new person in our lives, and just let it happen? Stop wondering, worrying, questioning, debating. Stop expecting anything. Just enjoy each other. And maybe be pleasantly surprised. Could it be that easy?

Vacations, friends, and wealth.

I had a nice weekend. I spent Friday evening happy hour with one of my favorite women friends at a new upscale burger place with live music. Doesn't that sound like a nice way to end a week? We ate, we listened, we laughed. And then we went to another watering hole and happened upon a really, really good band of guys our age playing music from the 60s, the really cool songs. They did a rendition of In a Gadda Da Vida that made me feel like a hippy again. That's a good thing.

Then, Saturday night I had what I call a non-date. I met a guy friend for movie and dinner. Yes, I was out on a Saturday night with a male person. I like the non-date thing. No pressure, no need to try to impress, just be ourselves and enjoy. Kinda like Friday night with a woman friend, just have fun and be real. Maybe we should stop having goals in dating, I realized. He asked me what I'm looking for and what are my goals and I realized that I don't have any, that I am doing my best to live in the moment and let life happen without trying to mold it to my expectations. This doesn't mean that I have to give up my boundaries, those things that people might reveal about themselves that makes me know I can't be their friend. It just means that, if I stop trying to find things in my friends or prospective mate, I might just see them more realistically and be pleasantly surprised. And so far, my non-date guy is fun and well-mannered and silly and doesn't seem to be crazy. Not bad for my first non-date!

And we saw a great movie! Listen, I avoid movies that cater to thirteen-year-old boys, movies that are made by people who think we're stupid. So we go to the movie "Hangover" and I'm slightly worried that it will be stupid and it was fabulous!!! Just like a few movies lately dubbed "bromances," this showed men being silly and crude and nasty, but seriously loveable. I laughed for 90 minutes. Just when I thought I could catch my breath, I would burst out in guffaws, those belly laughs that make your stomach ache. You have to see this movie! A goofy guy movie with a big heart. Go! Geez, just looking at the poster above makes me laugh again.

My daughter and her family had a perfect weekend away. My almost six-year-old twin grandchildren finished kindergarten on Wednesday and woke up Thursday to their mommy and daddy saying, "Pack your bags, we're going to Big Bear!" My grandson called me when they got home to tell me about it, this little boy who is usually much too busy building things to talk on the phone. They hiked to the tallest waterfall in Southern California, panned for gold, and went on a canoe ride. A happy family, well behaved children, and parents who love each other and are on the same page raising the kids. More joy in my life, just hearing about their fun times. (That's them being silly below.)

So all is well. The sun shined today. I have food in my refrigerator. I have a roof over my head. I have a job to go to tomorrow. I have friends I adore. My kids are happy. Life is rich.der="0" alt

Music, friends, and mangos.

From Woodstock to Woodland Hills, here's Sha Na Na!

I love people. Sometimes, I think I don't, but that's when I'm tired and my shoulder hurts and I've been bombarded at work by anxious patients and cranky staff and demanding doctors, but I'm human and I get over it. Tonight was one of those times when I was glad to be alive and surrrounded by people. Cool people. Quirky people. New people. Old friends. Fun.

I had invited my Party List to join together to hear Sha Na Na at a free concert in the park in Woodland Hills. I was concerned that hardly any one would come, considering the finals of the Lakers game, but I decided that, no matter what, I would just enjoy the music and whatever else came along. What a surprise!

From one of the guys who has been at all my events, a gentle but fun guy who took photos and kept me company, to the lovely Persian women who drove over the hill, to the new guy who informed me he was looking for a clone of himself in female form, to the Wowette who connnected with him and laughed and smiled for hours, to the newly widowed woman who remembered me from high school, and on and on, I had a ball. Imagine all these people, most meeting for the first time, talking and laughing and dancing under the warm sun? Lovely.

And I must not forget the new guy, who we shall call The Mango Guy. There he was, quiet but smiling, holding a mango and moving it from one hand to another and then admitting, "well, we find love wherever we can." I couldn't tell if he was nuts or funny or kidding or all, but he was a dear. And he carried some of our stuff to the car, telling us a story by reciting a poem by a well known American poet. I can't make this stuff up, I just can't. And then there's my cohort in fun, my Wowette friend, who cracks me up with almost anything she says, and then she laughs and snorts and neither of us can control ourselves and, geez, can you put a price on being with such wonderful people?

So, on those days when I'm overwhelmed and hassled and need to be alone, I will remember that, whenever I want, I can be in the presence of such quirky people who lift my spirits and make me forget my troubles. Lucky me.

That's Bill, Me, The Mango Guy, and Bev.

Wealth, friends, and giggles.

Once more, my daughter is right. It truly is the "small things" in life that make us rich and happy. She writes about it at www.itsallaboutthesmallstuff.blogspot.com.
Don't get me wrong, having financial security and health are important, and those are pretty big things. But lately, it really is the small things that are priceless to me.

Like teaching my grandchildren this weekend to play Rummicube and seeing their smiles and hearing their giggles. Priceless. A few people lately asked me how it feels to have grandchildren, and I told them that there isn't a word in our language to describe the joy of being with them. It's truly beyond words. And also this weekend, I was invited by one of my employees to a party for family and friends to celebrate her college graduation and I went, alone. And had just the best time. Her family embraced me, her friends were good company, and most of all I was honored and touched that she would include me. I went by myself and enjoyed every minute, the food and the company and the joy of being included in celebrating such a significant event in a co-worker's life. Is there a proper word to describe this feeling too?

And dinner with women friends? Again priceless. Since I created Wow, over 3 1/2 years ago, I've enjoyed the company of some of the most amazing women. They are down-to-earth, genuine, smart, and good company. Again, it's a joy to watch the ladies at a meeting, how they interact and share and listen and laugh, filling my house with their lively and happy spirits. One of the ladies planned a rather impromptu dinner last night with a few of us, and I was delighted to attend. Lucky for us the restaurant was noisy and the server was a guy with a mom just like us, he said, because we laughed so long and so hard, over and over, that I was surprised my food stayed down. Two of these women have invited me on vacations this summer, one to a quiet and peaceful week at her beautiful home on the beach, and another on a cruise to foreign lands that I never ever thought I'd see. Again, I don't think the language has the words to describe the joy I feel, realizing that I have friends who bring me such joy and happiness.

Maybe I'm just getting sappy at my age or maybe I've just finally broken down the walls I created as a child to protect me from harm, but I often find myself with tears of joy. I spent the years raising my beautiful daughter, being a single mom, working and almost never taking a vacation. Lucky for me, her friends often invited her on their family trips so she enjoyed many happy vacations, but I went many years without. And now, I'm invited on dream trips with women who are fun and upbeat and who I really do love dearly.

We women talked over dinner last night about the fun we have in life, even though we are man-less and I realized that love is love. Love for grandchildren, love for friends. And self-love. And I realized that I have conquered a lot of personal demons, finally allowing people to get close to me and finally reaching out to create a network of friends and family who I adore. And who sure seem to also love me. Life is rich. Beyond words.

Beauty, self-love, and women.

I have a theory that a lot of grown men have anger issues. I've had personal experience with passive-aggressive men, you know those guys who promise things and then don't do them and it feels like they're really just saying "f**k you"? Freud wrote about how we, as children, have to separate from our parents by rejecting them, thus the difficult teen-age years. This is tough for little girls who then have to actually kind of reject themselves to accomplish this. For guys, they reject their mom but then she's the 1st woman they ever fell in love with, so do they spend the rest of their lives with anger over this conflict? Or did they just have moms who ignored or belittled them?

I was reminded of this today with an email from a guy I don't know, but who is on my list of guys to invite to my free singles parties. I'm arranging a party in the park on an upcoming Sunday, a free party with a well-known band and ladies bringing desserts to share with the guys. What ever could anyone find wrong or upsetting about that? Well, there is one guy with the words "dirty boy" in his email address who responded to my invitation with this: Delete me from your spam list. I don't care about Sha Na Na, I don't care about your parties, I don't care about your blog, and I REALLY don't care about you. If I get one more email from you I will come to your next party and spill red wine all over you. Geez, if he isn't angry, I don't know who is!

So I was thinking, is this also a female phenomena, having such anger issues? I don't have any women friends who are angry, but I think I know what we ladies do instead. I became aware this week, one of those light-bulb moments, that I spend lots of time each day in self-criticism. Some of it is obvious, like when I see someone who I think is thinner or smarter or better dressed or more confident and I get that immediate feeling in my gut that makes me feel small and not-as-good as her. And then I realized that it's possible that I do this on a subconscious level, like when my boss suggests I may have done something wrong and I feel kinda stupid when I'm not.

I had dinner with one women friend this week who talked about her lack of confidence in social settings, especially around women she perceives as strong,how she feels less-than in their company. So one of those same friends told her this week how much she is admired, that she provides such a balance in their group of women and how she always seems so centered and confident that it calms them all. Another friend is still having trouble letting go from a recent break-up, continuing to second guess her decision or what she should have said or is the guy thinking she's crazy? My opinion is that she did amazingly well, dropping the guy almost immediately after she realized that he seemed to be a bomb waiting to go off and that he was barely controlling his animosity toward women. To me, she didn't fail in any way, but showed her strength and courage to let go of a guy who everyone else liked. She worries that she wasted time, but I think there was a lesson she needed to learn from him and now she is better for it. See, women criticize themselves when the reality is that they are are succeeding big-time.

So, let's vow to recognize our self-criticism. Let's vow to replace those thoughts with kind affirmations about ourselves. Let's tell ourselves that we how we are good to our friends and our family, how well we manage to provide for ourselves, how we do our best at our jobs, how we are kind and generous, how much our friends love us, and on and on. And - that we are beautiful and perfect in this very moment. Because we are.